Sunday, October 29, 2006

21st August 2001

I'm back and I would like to begin with a thank you to all the
people who sent me e-mails and words of condolence. It is nice to
know that you are in people's thoughts. I will not be thanking you
individually as I would just be repeating myself and most of you
read this page anyway so please accept this collective thank you
from me and my family.
I have had a few new experiences in the last couple of weeks and not
all of them have been bad. I will share some of these experiences
because they may amuse or enlighten or whatever, I will try to make
them worth the read.
I don't know if your parents are like mine in that they read the
death columns in the local paper. I don't know whether this is
something that you start doing when you get older and some of your
mates start popping off but for as long as I can remember my Mum has
always read them. Maybe it is something that will die with her
generation or maybe we will all become column-watchers when we
retire. If you don't know what I am talking about then look in your
local paper. There seems to be great importance about declaring
somebody's death in the paper and I can see the point because of one
or two responses that my Dad received in the days after my Mum had
died but when I read some of the verses in the paper it really put
me off. You can ring the paper and they can put a verse in for you
with your announcement so it's kinda like an "off the shelf"
sentiment. Claire and I had to write something for my Mum and I
couldn't write anything because I didn't want it to be an "off the
shelf" job. It is nice to know, that like everything else in this
world, sentiment and sorrow are sold by the word and delivered by
the morning.
The local preist, Father Frank, was a genuine and honest man and he
made the funeral as easy as possible with regard to what we wanted
to do during the service and what music we had played. It is
refreshing to meet a preist who reminds me that it is "Our" church.
I have not become born-again but the church was very important to my
Mum and it was nice to know she was in good hands.
The funeral was ..........can't think of a word to describe it so
lets just say the funeral. It was a bright sunny day and the church
was packed. My Mum pulls a bigger crowd than me! It was nice to see
so many faces outside the church and to see all the fantastic
flowers. I wondered what my Mum would have made of it because she
was a double-keen gardener and really loved her blooms but would
always have preferred to have had them growing in the garden instead
of sprouting from a vase or wrapped in cellophane.
Over the following days it was weird seeing all these people who I
haven't seen for years. My cousins who came by the house and came to
the funeral were great company and more than amusing. They all look
exactly the same even some that I had not seen for over 20 years.
The reason I find this so strange is because I think I look really
different to how I did 20 years ago. Is it just me or does everyone
get this vibe?? My daughter Lois did a reading at the church and was
absolutely top banana. My Mum would have been as proud as Claire and
myself. I don't know what my kids must feel like because I never
knew either of my sets of grand parents so I don't know what it is
like to lose one. It was Taylor's birthday yesterday and in the
previous two weeks I have been downloading various mp3's to compile
him a birthday CD. He is into Nu-Metal. Limp Bizkit, Korn, Slipknot
and all that other row but I made sure to put a couple of good
tracks on there as well.
I returned to London for a few days and then went back to Liverpool
for a short service while the cremated remains were buried. I came
back to London on Friday on a sweaty Virgin train with no air
conditioning and I was nodding out all the way home. I put a new
floor in my studio over the weekend and had my desk put back in
today so it won't be long before I am back working and finishing off
the album.
Overall I am still feeling very optimistic and upbeat (my Mum used
to say I was "big enough and ugly enough to look after myself") and
I really hope I am not kidding myself into feeling this way. I was
an adopted baby so I am lucky to have been picked by the best mum.
There are enough great memories that can all be recalled in an
instant and they will always be with me even if she is not. Thanks
again for your kind words and I will be back next week with more new


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